Had a moment a bit ago where I seriously wanted to both keep on keeping on and at the same time hide under my shawl.
Bus driver was more than a little judgemental of an older guy with no money. Something was hanging out of the far pocket and the driver assumed the guy must have money for "that" but not for fare so he could just get off and stop trying to get a free ride. I don't know what "that" was, it was out of my sight. The turbaned driver would not stop lecturing the guy.
I stepped up and asked loudly, "Is there a problem with the fare?" and started dropping money into the farebox. The older guy moved to the back of the bus and hid his face. The driver had to be prompted to give me the transfer I had just paid for. I looked around and walked the distance to the back and handed the guy his transfer. As I walked up back to my seat, a few people grinned and one young gent started calling out that "that is what this world needs! More people like you! Good on ya!" Others muttered more of the same loud enough to be heard.
When I realized how many people were paying specific attention to me, I realized the statement I had just made with my act and just how "loud" and public it was. I was both feeling good and yet very shy and exposed. It bothers me that someone asking for help is so pre-judged as being lazy, wasteful and useless, a thrown away piece of offal to be thrown to the streets and the garbage heaps. It is an offense to me against my humaness (not humanity....humaness...that which is so very human) that a person is judged for having a pack of cigarettes with them (could have been given!), or that they should ask for a few dollars for a beer while poor. Why shouldn't they? Why should a person of priviledge be allowed to escape the day's stressors and pain with a drink or ten, but a person whose entire life is a struggle to just survive be denied an hour of relaxation, a touch of pleasure? Are they not human, too?
How dare we judge or pre-judge another when there is not one of us that is more than a single accident, illness or misfortune away from suffering the same fate? In this economy, that is all it takes to drive us into poverty. How dare we allow another to suffer for the sake of a dollar or two when we have beds to sleep in, food to eat and the priviledge of the occasional drink or smoke or whatever other vice we might have? How dare we judge the many by the one or two that do scam?I have given up. I have given up the chance that this or that person might be one of the few scammers. No more. I will not risk not giving when it is needed on the rare and off chance that the person *might* be a scammer. The scammer can learn, too and that also is a chance I'll take. What if the person is a crook? I don't care any more. What if they are not? It is far far more likely that the person is in need that I will not gamble that they are not.
I don't care what religion you practice, I don't care if you're atheist, christian, hindi, buddhist or pagan. I don't care if you believe in heaven, hell, the summerlands or nothing at all. All these are trappings and decoration for the one thing that matters. The one thing that has the only value in life. The one thing that if you have it, you have everything. It is called LOVE. It doesn't matter if you're rich or poor or somewhere in between. Feel free to believe or not believe whatever you want but the one thing that has the power to change this entire era around is LOVE.If they have the gumption to ask, I have the gumption to give what I can.
If someone has the gumption to outright ask me for a beer, I'll walk them over to the liquour store and buy them a freakin' beer! And I'm not being fascetious.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
We don't need to learn to Give
I just recently had a convo about this with a cashier. A person ahead of me was shy just under a dollar...for that ever taboo thing call booze (/sarcasm). I immediately handed over a dollar and waved away the change. When the cashier gushed about how it was so nice of me, I explained my thoughts on it.
Giving is necessary. There was a time when people gave out of religious requirement. They never thought it was needful except that "God" required it. In this day of post-religion and a growing atheism or agnoticism, it is still needful to give. The reason is that we can not open ourselves mentally/emotionally/
This also means that we must be open to receiving. When people say no to "charity," being too proud to accept gifts and help, they close themselves to giving. This is where I believe we have gone wrong. By being too prideful and independant to receive the blessings and care of others, we have prevented ourselves from being able to give. We can not give to those that will not receive.
Universal law states what is good for one is good for all. We live in a reciprocal society. If we say no to receiving then we close others off to receiving from us. As universal law dictates, if we do not allow others to give to us then they can not allow us to give to them. Reciprocation. If we say no to giving to others then others must say no to giving to us. This is what our society functions on. Reciprocation.
An excellent example is of the payments of KMart layaways by anonymous people. By giving to others who were open to receiving, the receipients became open to giving (some were able to give a christmas to their kids, some used some of the money to "pay it forward") which continued the cycle. We all understand the principle of "paying it forward." Reciprocation of gifting and receiving frees us to move forward and really live. If those who had their layaways paid for refused the gifts, KMart would have to reverse the payments and pass it on to someone else...or be holding money they can't account for which would put them in a legal bind. So those people were open to receive and we able to give in return to others.
I firmly believe that the change our society needs most has nothing to do with learning to give...we are desperate to give, we know how to give, we love to give. I believe we need to learn how to receive...with grace, with dignity, with love. Open ourselves to the blessings and gifts of others. It is not greedy, it is not selfish. It is loving to allow others to give to us, for that opens them up to receive from us our blessings and gifts...which we all LOVE to do.
Giving is necessary. There was a time when people gave out of religious requirement. They never thought it was needful except that "God" required it. In this day of post-religion and a growing atheism or agnoticism, it is still needful to give. The reason is that we can not open ourselves mentally/emotionally/
This also means that we must be open to receiving. When people say no to "charity," being too proud to accept gifts and help, they close themselves to giving. This is where I believe we have gone wrong. By being too prideful and independant to receive the blessings and care of others, we have prevented ourselves from being able to give. We can not give to those that will not receive.
Universal law states what is good for one is good for all. We live in a reciprocal society. If we say no to receiving then we close others off to receiving from us. As universal law dictates, if we do not allow others to give to us then they can not allow us to give to them. Reciprocation. If we say no to giving to others then others must say no to giving to us. This is what our society functions on. Reciprocation.
An excellent example is of the payments of KMart layaways by anonymous people. By giving to others who were open to receiving, the receipients became open to giving (some were able to give a christmas to their kids, some used some of the money to "pay it forward") which continued the cycle. We all understand the principle of "paying it forward." Reciprocation of gifting and receiving frees us to move forward and really live. If those who had their layaways paid for refused the gifts, KMart would have to reverse the payments and pass it on to someone else...or be holding money they can't account for which would put them in a legal bind. So those people were open to receive and we able to give in return to others.
I firmly believe that the change our society needs most has nothing to do with learning to give...we are desperate to give, we know how to give, we love to give. I believe we need to learn how to receive...with grace, with dignity, with love. Open ourselves to the blessings and gifts of others. It is not greedy, it is not selfish. It is loving to allow others to give to us, for that opens them up to receive from us our blessings and gifts...which we all LOVE to do.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
The Spring Anomaly
Spring is in the air, the energy bursts forth and you feel the stirrings and awakenings of …what?
It is a similar feeling at the New Year…whether we celebrate it at Samhain, Yule or the beginning of the Gregorian calendar year. Suddenly the feeling arises to make a change, have this year different from last, better, improved, and made over. I reflect on this social phenomenon every time it occurs in the people around me. Personally, I have stopped making those resolutions pressured on me by others in the spirit of the season. Why? Is it because I feel the uselessness of it all, self-defeat overwhelming me into apathy?
We often feel the obligation to make another promise to ourselves and to others that we will do better this time around. When we do, do we really feel the need to change? Are we ready to change? Or are we just doing as we are told to by our peers and society? Are we conditioned in our upbringing to play the same ritual out, without feeling; play-acting out our role in a time-honoured tradition that no longer has any meaning to us or any joy. As an advanced society, we already know that to make plans to change when we aren’t prepared to do so equals failure in our mission. It is lip-service to the trendiest trend of self-improvement.
We listen to stories of people who have made changes in their lives; extraordinary changes. We reflect how wonderful it has made their lives and wish we could do the same. I notice one tiny detail…they certainly didn’t wait for New Years. They didn’t wait for Spring. They just did it. And that seems to be the marvel of it all. They begin to live their lives with meaning, adding energy and life to every step, every word, and every task. Their world is open and they look for the next challenge with anticipation. Fear has been put to the wayside; there is no time in their lives for fear or indecision. Dreams are rekindled and lived. And what is the phrase we hear? “No time like the present because tomorrow may never come.”
Usually, these people are awakened by some tragedy in their lives or in the lives of others. A small child escapes the ravages of a fatal disease…or not. A family is removed from our world suddenly, without warning. The person is diagnosed with cancer. Suddenly, they live as if they are living their last days…maybe they are. I wonder why people wait for that wake up call. Why wait on the right season, the right inspiration, the right person to come along. Just what are we waiting for anyways?
Every day is a new opportunity to make goals, achieve them or just enjoy life as it’s presented to us. Every day can feel like spring if we want it to. Every moment is a new opportunity. Even after just eating that last piece of chocolate cake. Just because we make an oops one moment, doesn’t mean we are doomed to make it again. When we don’t succeed, we get to try, try again. So we reached for the cake instead of an apple this time. And? It’s called practise and it makes us perfect. We can practise good health until we get it right. We can practise our game until we succeed. We can practise our writing until we get it just write…err right.
“But, I need to first.”
Sometimes we have to wait for something to happen to get on with our goal…maybe it’s finances, maybe we need to get better health before we can even get into the game, maybe we have to reorganize our time and that means getting others to agree to change timing, too. Ok, then there *is* the waiting...or is it preparation?
We know that successful changes take being prepared to do so. These preparations don’t just occur; we have to do them ourselves. If we want to run a marathon, we have to get in shape. To get in shape, we have to get up off our butt and do something, either walking on a regular basis or joining a gym. We can either wait to run the marathon for when we are in better shape, or we can prepare to run the marathon. If we want a great job, we have to make ourselves ready to take it on. It sounds like symantics. It is, but that is what our brains work on. Waiting puts our brains on pause, preparing puts it into gear.
When we set our goals, we have to look at whether or not we are ready to achieve them. Do we have all we need in order to walk that path? If I want to travel the world, I can cast whatever spells I want, implore Hermes to bless my ambition, and put up pictures of places I want to see on my Vision Board. It will mean absolutely nothing if I don’t mail out my Passport Application. It’s about being prepared to achieve the goals we want instead of waiting about for some mythical time and place to align itself to our vision. When we are prepared to achieve, all goals are easy. Preparation can start now.
So what are we waiting for?
Monday, March 7, 2011
From Creative to Creator
What is the difference between someone who makes it through life and someone who sails through life? One is a creative person because it takes creativity to make it in these days, and one is a creator, not just being creative but creating their own reality into what they desire.
What's that got to do with freedom and family? What if you were to take your dreams and create them in the real world? How would that affect your family? Would you like to have those dreams come true? We aren't Cinderellas to have a Prince Charming come sweep us off our feet. If you're looking for a hero, the best one for you, look in the mirror. There's no one better!
How many seeds of ideas rattle about in your brain and heart? How many would you like to plant and nurture this year? It doesn't matter how small or large the seed or harvest is. What matters is the action and the will of doing it.
My goal this year is to plant a few of those seeds myself. I've made a list of what is reasonable and easy (because it's better when it's easy!). The easier it is to complete, the sooner the next seed can be planted. The more seeds I plant, the more successes I have. The more successes I have, the more confidence I gain and the more momentum I carry forward with. It's not about motivation...it's all about momentum!
How do we get through each day whether we will or no? Momentum. We get up, have our coffee, get our food, out the door to work/school/shopping...whatever is the requirement of the day. How do we do that when we really just want to go back to bed on a cold rainy day and sleep? Momentum. The impetus that pushes us forward on autopilot. Some say autopilot is a bad thing. I say it's a tool and everyone should use it. If we get up enough momentum, we can be like a freight train. If you've set the tracks on the goal you desire and the path you wish to take, why not blaze through if the terrain is just not pretty enough to warrant looking around? Once you've got the momentum, you can feel free to look around you. It's easy to regain when you have that many successes to build on.
Here's some of what I'm doing:
1) Organizing my home. We have spent several years moving about finding the balance between affordable housing, work/school and appropriate community. This means that before we got to finish unpacking in one place, we were often packing again. Also, since affordable housing in this day and age is hard to come by, we've downsized our space a lot. By not fully unpacking, there's lots that hasn't been sorted thoroughly. We've now been in this place for over a year and it's working out at the moment. It's time to really sort through these last bits and get the pile of boxes organized and gone. This will mean some reorganization, some recycling and some creative sorting and placement. We might need more shelves since li'l miss (who's 17 months) thinks anything small enough to fit in her hand should be on the floor. I want to really declutter.
2) Balcony garden. I've had a desire to grow my own food, certainly this is possible. There are tons of sites showing the balcony gardens supplementing food and flavour for families all over. I've a friend who has been composting and growing his own veggies in his backyard for years, so we've made a deal. I take him my compostables and he gives me back composting as I need it. He's also helped me with some ideas of how to organize the planters for maximum efficiency. Which means remembering to plant the perenials in something that is relatively permanent...he's made me promise not to bring in the oregano, thyme and chives again...oops! As for planters, I'm not going to buy those expensive planters. See, part of the reason for the home clearing is to empty the totes. They'll make perfect planters! And then I can't use them for storage of unnecessary stuff. I'm also going to buy a huge garbage can and grow potatoes. My friend got me on to this idea. If you plant a couple seed potatoes into such a bin with only 6-8" of dirt, as the sprouts comes up, you pile more dirt around them. Keep doing this until it comes closer to the top and then let them leaf and flower. The root system will have grown all through the can to create a huge bunch of potatoes! We also have metal railings for training up beans and peas. I'll have the greenest balcony in the building! This should be fun and show the kids how to grow our own food. Our goal in the long term is to get a hobby farm, so this is a nice lead in.
These seem like really big tasks and big changes. But these are dreams of mine I have put off over and over. It is time to put action and will to words. It is time to make it happen. Not only do the kids need a routine, but so do I. If I make sure of at least one area getting a once over each day, I'll have it done in no time. I will give myself time to rest and have fun, but I will also make myself work for it. I did this for my eating habits so I know I can do this for my time management. If I want to have a sit down at the computer, I must complete one major task for health and home first. Same for my eating habits. If I want a piece of cake, I have to eat a healthy meal first. I have that momentum going now. Now I'll build on it.
I will go from merely creative to creator, day by day, step by step. You try it!
What's that got to do with freedom and family? What if you were to take your dreams and create them in the real world? How would that affect your family? Would you like to have those dreams come true? We aren't Cinderellas to have a Prince Charming come sweep us off our feet. If you're looking for a hero, the best one for you, look in the mirror. There's no one better!
How many seeds of ideas rattle about in your brain and heart? How many would you like to plant and nurture this year? It doesn't matter how small or large the seed or harvest is. What matters is the action and the will of doing it.
My goal this year is to plant a few of those seeds myself. I've made a list of what is reasonable and easy (because it's better when it's easy!). The easier it is to complete, the sooner the next seed can be planted. The more seeds I plant, the more successes I have. The more successes I have, the more confidence I gain and the more momentum I carry forward with. It's not about motivation...it's all about momentum!
How do we get through each day whether we will or no? Momentum. We get up, have our coffee, get our food, out the door to work/school/shopping...whatever is the requirement of the day. How do we do that when we really just want to go back to bed on a cold rainy day and sleep? Momentum. The impetus that pushes us forward on autopilot. Some say autopilot is a bad thing. I say it's a tool and everyone should use it. If we get up enough momentum, we can be like a freight train. If you've set the tracks on the goal you desire and the path you wish to take, why not blaze through if the terrain is just not pretty enough to warrant looking around? Once you've got the momentum, you can feel free to look around you. It's easy to regain when you have that many successes to build on.
Here's some of what I'm doing:
1) Organizing my home. We have spent several years moving about finding the balance between affordable housing, work/school and appropriate community. This means that before we got to finish unpacking in one place, we were often packing again. Also, since affordable housing in this day and age is hard to come by, we've downsized our space a lot. By not fully unpacking, there's lots that hasn't been sorted thoroughly. We've now been in this place for over a year and it's working out at the moment. It's time to really sort through these last bits and get the pile of boxes organized and gone. This will mean some reorganization, some recycling and some creative sorting and placement. We might need more shelves since li'l miss (who's 17 months) thinks anything small enough to fit in her hand should be on the floor. I want to really declutter.
2) Balcony garden. I've had a desire to grow my own food, certainly this is possible. There are tons of sites showing the balcony gardens supplementing food and flavour for families all over. I've a friend who has been composting and growing his own veggies in his backyard for years, so we've made a deal. I take him my compostables and he gives me back composting as I need it. He's also helped me with some ideas of how to organize the planters for maximum efficiency. Which means remembering to plant the perenials in something that is relatively permanent...he's made me promise not to bring in the oregano, thyme and chives again...oops! As for planters, I'm not going to buy those expensive planters. See, part of the reason for the home clearing is to empty the totes. They'll make perfect planters! And then I can't use them for storage of unnecessary stuff. I'm also going to buy a huge garbage can and grow potatoes. My friend got me on to this idea. If you plant a couple seed potatoes into such a bin with only 6-8" of dirt, as the sprouts comes up, you pile more dirt around them. Keep doing this until it comes closer to the top and then let them leaf and flower. The root system will have grown all through the can to create a huge bunch of potatoes! We also have metal railings for training up beans and peas. I'll have the greenest balcony in the building! This should be fun and show the kids how to grow our own food. Our goal in the long term is to get a hobby farm, so this is a nice lead in.
These seem like really big tasks and big changes. But these are dreams of mine I have put off over and over. It is time to put action and will to words. It is time to make it happen. Not only do the kids need a routine, but so do I. If I make sure of at least one area getting a once over each day, I'll have it done in no time. I will give myself time to rest and have fun, but I will also make myself work for it. I did this for my eating habits so I know I can do this for my time management. If I want to have a sit down at the computer, I must complete one major task for health and home first. Same for my eating habits. If I want a piece of cake, I have to eat a healthy meal first. I have that momentum going now. Now I'll build on it.
I will go from merely creative to creator, day by day, step by step. You try it!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Change: Good or bad?
Change is stressful. It takes time to adjust and energy to make it a part of your life. Whether it's a change forced upon you (being downsized out of employment), or a change you chose (eating healthier), it's a lot of work. How you approach the change makes a large difference of how quickly you adjust...if you adjust at all.
Of all things in life, there is only one thing that is assured: change. Taxes are not an absolute depending on your investments and income, and death is a kind of change; from life to afterwards. In life we experience all sorts of mini-deaths as things end and new things begin. Once that idea is embraced, life becomes a series of changes, small and large, and we are able to view life in a much different perspective. Life boils down to a choice of having changes happen to us (as victims), or chosing the changes and thus guiding our lives to a chosen goal. It's all about the journey and never about the final result, for there is never a final of anything.
As we look to the stars, we can watch the pattern of the universe unfold before us and apply that pattern to our own lives. Planets and stars all condense and harden, becoming less and less maleable and flowing. They become less able to change with what is happening around them. As comets and debris fly into their space, they are less able to allow it all to just flow past or embrace it. Eventually, such obstacles hit....hard. As planets and stars become even more solid, instead of absorbing the impact or allowing it to flow through, they crack and pieces break off. Such is a huge change that can be quite traumatic.
Something about forced change vs. chosen change is that when it's forced on us, we can't chose what we "lose". We must accept what we are given and live our lives getting battered about and always being swayed one way then another. We are tossed about with no control of where we are going and thus never get to where we want to be or get the things we want to get. When we chose the change, we are able to let go of what we really don't need, that which no longer serves us, and make room for something better. If we don't make room for good stuff, how can we accept it into our lives? If our plate, or cup or port is full, how can we get more? I tell my daughter, if you want new clothes, you have to make room for them by donating that which is too small, or not loved as much. That works for us all.
What is the lesson? The more maleable we remain, the better we are able to go with the flow. We are able to pick and choose our battles and guide our changes to create what we want. That is the magick and control we have as thinking entities. We are not objects. We have the power to choose. Looking far enough ahead, we are able to change ourselves so that we don't need to suffer a traumatic hit. We are able to embrace it, accept it and become more...or different.
When life sends us a change, we can either mourn what we've "lost" and miss whatever opportunity or growth is coming, or we can embrace it and make room for the neat stuff on it's way. We can get excited for change, for the growth and opportunities that are available to us. Do we really need to carry around the excess baggage anyways?
So really, is change all that bad? It's all in your perspective.
Of all things in life, there is only one thing that is assured: change. Taxes are not an absolute depending on your investments and income, and death is a kind of change; from life to afterwards. In life we experience all sorts of mini-deaths as things end and new things begin. Once that idea is embraced, life becomes a series of changes, small and large, and we are able to view life in a much different perspective. Life boils down to a choice of having changes happen to us (as victims), or chosing the changes and thus guiding our lives to a chosen goal. It's all about the journey and never about the final result, for there is never a final of anything.
As we look to the stars, we can watch the pattern of the universe unfold before us and apply that pattern to our own lives. Planets and stars all condense and harden, becoming less and less maleable and flowing. They become less able to change with what is happening around them. As comets and debris fly into their space, they are less able to allow it all to just flow past or embrace it. Eventually, such obstacles hit....hard. As planets and stars become even more solid, instead of absorbing the impact or allowing it to flow through, they crack and pieces break off. Such is a huge change that can be quite traumatic.
Something about forced change vs. chosen change is that when it's forced on us, we can't chose what we "lose". We must accept what we are given and live our lives getting battered about and always being swayed one way then another. We are tossed about with no control of where we are going and thus never get to where we want to be or get the things we want to get. When we chose the change, we are able to let go of what we really don't need, that which no longer serves us, and make room for something better. If we don't make room for good stuff, how can we accept it into our lives? If our plate, or cup or port is full, how can we get more? I tell my daughter, if you want new clothes, you have to make room for them by donating that which is too small, or not loved as much. That works for us all.
What is the lesson? The more maleable we remain, the better we are able to go with the flow. We are able to pick and choose our battles and guide our changes to create what we want. That is the magick and control we have as thinking entities. We are not objects. We have the power to choose. Looking far enough ahead, we are able to change ourselves so that we don't need to suffer a traumatic hit. We are able to embrace it, accept it and become more...or different.
When life sends us a change, we can either mourn what we've "lost" and miss whatever opportunity or growth is coming, or we can embrace it and make room for the neat stuff on it's way. We can get excited for change, for the growth and opportunities that are available to us. Do we really need to carry around the excess baggage anyways?
So really, is change all that bad? It's all in your perspective.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Of all the changes I thought to make...
I have often dreamed of changes I would make to my life. Healthier eating, walking and playing more. Travelling the world. I have even dreamed of owning my own business and owning my own home with a small "hobby" farm.
Never have I imagined, or dreamed, or thought of becoming a Runner. That was always out of reach for me. I'm too plain, too wide, too short, too homey, too slow, too old, too geeky, too nerdy....I am not a runner and never will be. Vetoed that thought even as it crossed my mind watching others. Wish I could be, but my body is just not built for running. And that's that.
Have you ever heard of "fake it 'til ya make it"? or how we build walls to protect ourselves only to find we've limited our ability to grow and flourish? Have you ever heard of the "Red Ball/Green Ball" strategy of dealing with negative self talk?
Here's the thing. There are many things I have dreamed of doing, but I had these walls limiting me. These brick walls are tough and tall and block out a lot of good stuff. I've known for some time there was better on the other side, but I didn't know how to break down the walls. So I "faked it". I pretended to live life as if I was getting out of these walls. When I started to slip back into my old habits, I would "Green Ball" it and override the habit with the actions I wanted to be true.
Green Ball? When you do or say something negative and destructive, that is called a "Red Ball". You can do nothing with the Red Ball or you can hold on to it. You can toss it away or you can choose not to catch it in the first place. But whatever you do with it, you then override it with a "Green Ball". You do or say something about the situation that is positive and constructive. So everytime I slipped up or ran up against my walls, I tried to remember to throw a "Green Ball" at it.
The last couple of years have been tough for me. New learning, new ways of doing things, I have a new baby! I've had to make some new changes to make things succeed. As much as I had to make changes, I kept running up against negative, destructive actions and talk...and not all of it was my own! For every "Red Ball" I was presented with, I struggled to fire a "Green Ball" against my walls. Imagine, if you will, bouncy balls...lots of them...bouncing around in a small round room at high velocity. Standing in the middle of that been my life for the last while.
Today, I realized..I am a Runner. Today, I jogged for half of my 30 minute "walk" in 5 minute stints. I felt great! I felt powerful. I felt the surge of adrenaline and endorphins hit in the last jog as I rounded the corner to see my home just that little distance away! I felt like I was crashing through a finish line in a marathon! All this time, all those bouncing balls were weakening my walls. A whole wall of my existance has crashed down around me in rubble and dust and all those balls escaped. As the dust clears, I look out to see a new horizon. For now, there are no "Red Balls". For now, I don't have to fire back anything. I stand in awe of the magnitude of this change.
It's amazing!
Never have I imagined, or dreamed, or thought of becoming a Runner. That was always out of reach for me. I'm too plain, too wide, too short, too homey, too slow, too old, too geeky, too nerdy....I am not a runner and never will be. Vetoed that thought even as it crossed my mind watching others. Wish I could be, but my body is just not built for running. And that's that.
Have you ever heard of "fake it 'til ya make it"? or how we build walls to protect ourselves only to find we've limited our ability to grow and flourish? Have you ever heard of the "Red Ball/Green Ball" strategy of dealing with negative self talk?
Here's the thing. There are many things I have dreamed of doing, but I had these walls limiting me. These brick walls are tough and tall and block out a lot of good stuff. I've known for some time there was better on the other side, but I didn't know how to break down the walls. So I "faked it". I pretended to live life as if I was getting out of these walls. When I started to slip back into my old habits, I would "Green Ball" it and override the habit with the actions I wanted to be true.
Green Ball? When you do or say something negative and destructive, that is called a "Red Ball". You can do nothing with the Red Ball or you can hold on to it. You can toss it away or you can choose not to catch it in the first place. But whatever you do with it, you then override it with a "Green Ball". You do or say something about the situation that is positive and constructive. So everytime I slipped up or ran up against my walls, I tried to remember to throw a "Green Ball" at it.
The last couple of years have been tough for me. New learning, new ways of doing things, I have a new baby! I've had to make some new changes to make things succeed. As much as I had to make changes, I kept running up against negative, destructive actions and talk...and not all of it was my own! For every "Red Ball" I was presented with, I struggled to fire a "Green Ball" against my walls. Imagine, if you will, bouncy balls...lots of them...bouncing around in a small round room at high velocity. Standing in the middle of that been my life for the last while.
Today, I realized..I am a Runner. Today, I jogged for half of my 30 minute "walk" in 5 minute stints. I felt great! I felt powerful. I felt the surge of adrenaline and endorphins hit in the last jog as I rounded the corner to see my home just that little distance away! I felt like I was crashing through a finish line in a marathon! All this time, all those bouncing balls were weakening my walls. A whole wall of my existance has crashed down around me in rubble and dust and all those balls escaped. As the dust clears, I look out to see a new horizon. For now, there are no "Red Balls". For now, I don't have to fire back anything. I stand in awe of the magnitude of this change.
It's amazing!
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Can you handle the truth?
Recently, I've been introduced to C25K. What is C25K? It's one of those phone applications and it's short for "Couch to 5km". It's intention is to slowly ramp you up in activity until you eventually run 5km. This seems almost impossible to anyone who thinks they can't run or just can't....
I was one of these people. For decades I have stated in no uncertain terms that I am not a runner. Running hurts me too much to even think about it. Only those with light bodies can run because shin splints are painful!! I lied to myself.
I didn't realize I was lying to myself. I thought it was the absolute truth! What I discovered recently was that it is very likely that we are all lying to ourselves. A friend of mine who admits herself that she was very much a voluptuous shape (to be gentle) discovered this application and started following it. Her results have forced me to reconsider my "truths".
Now, I'm not saying it's easy. Some people have injuries they may never recover fully from. There could be health concerns like my dad. He had his heart and kidneys replaced 20 years ago. I sincerely doubt he's going to be running 5km any time in this life time.
Consider then, two facts:
1) The Paralympic Games that run with the Olympics was designed for people with disabilities that prevent them from competing in regular sports. These people could have given up when they lost their legs or arms (or never had them to begin with). They could have said, "I can't" and they would have had a million people agree with them. Are those million people telling the truth?
2) Any movement, any progress is good. Anything is better than nothing. How slow the start is or how short is of no consideration. Progress is the only success to be measured. The Paralympics were founded as a therapy to give those with physical challenges a goal to work towards. As we all hear from all Olympians, their biggest and hardest competitor is themselves.
Look at those parathletes now? Is "I can't" really truthful? Since they obviously can and can do it better than I can with all my working limbs, I'd have to concede that, "I can't" is a lie.
I take the bus and walk most places already, so the early stages of C25K aren't really workable for me. It literally starts you out with doing 5-10 minutes of activity. So if you really not ready to do more than a little at a time, you can do this.
What was that? you don't have a phone so you can't have the app? That's ok. There are online versions of this all over the place and you can cut and paste it into a Word document to follow it. All the phone app does is make it more fun by adding music and alerts to when to walk and when to jog...it takes the thinking out of it for you.
Oh, you don't have a watch to time yourself? Dollar Store. They have a ton of cute bands and pins. In this activity, the most expensive expenditure is going to be a good pair of walking shoes and a watch..and the watch is only gonna cost a buck...maybe two.
So, I finally kicked myself out of the house for a solid walk. Not carrying bags to go to the store. Not pulling my rolling briefcase. Not pushing the baby buggy. This is MY time. Fifteen minutes out and fifteen minutes back. That's all! How far I got isn't what mattered. The fact that I got out at all was what was important. I didn't even try speed walking. It was just a walk. When I got home, I posted on my FB my "success" and got a huge response from my friends. I even got a little giddy from the praise.
Next day, I did it again with the same results. I felt pretty good. I kept doing it every day and getting praise and getting a little faster in my walk so getting a little further and getting more praise. You can see the cycle. Then a rainy day hit. It was cold, it was wet, it was absolutely horrible. That was when I was introduced to the "Donwannas". You've heard of them I bet!
All I could hear in my head was "I donwanna go out in the cold and wet...ick!". Then I heard my dtr whining that she didn't wanna go to school. I despise whining. I turned to tell her that she's not made of sugar and won't melt. I heard in my head, "and neither are you." Oops...truth time. I've always prided myself on being a good example to my kids. If I use that statement to my kids, then I have to apply it to myself. Once they were out the door, I put my shoes and jacket on and out I went. I warmed up real quick and then it wasn't so bad. Got home, had a cup of hot lemon and ginger tea, curled up with a book. Felt really proud of myself and I felt I earned that little bit of quiet time.
After a couple of weeks of walking, I was feeling good and while on a walk I was re-evaluating my "truths". I had already proven that I could stick to a regular activity. I wondered. Could I? Was I being truthful about not being able to run? My friend was up to jogging 5km and more already! If she could do it, could I? hrm...so I upped the pace to a slow jog and did that for a minute, then pushed a little more for an extra half. I got back to walking and realized that wasn't so bad. A few minutes later, I tried again. Again, not so bad. Then I realized, what I do in one direction, I had to do in the other because if I didn't, I wouldn't be back on time and I had things to do! So, on the way back, I jogged a couple of times, walking between them. When I posted, my friends got really excited for me. I got all giddy again.
A few days later, I got smacked up side the head by the donwannas again. This time they brought ammo. I had a ton of things to do, the baby was up early and I was going to be walking a lot already (in between busses). The donwannas won...two days in a row! I justified myself saying that I was doing a lot of walking with all I was doing already! But the truth just kept poking it's head out from around the wool. Truth was, I was letting the donwannas win.
I talked to my friend and she's heard of the donwannas, too. Her understanding seemed to give me the strength to beat them and out I went the next day with the donwannas chanting at me for 2 whole minutes! It was like a child stomping to their room. They went silent as I heard the truth chanting back, "I can I can I can". Ten minutes into the walk, I moved up to a jog. By the time I got home, I was high as a kite on the adrenaline! Didn't need coffee that morning!
This morning, the donwannas were back. But I have ammunition, too. They were strong, but I'm stronger because I know the truth. Truth is we can convince ourselves of anything, that includes "I can't". What is the truth? Are you ready for it? Do you want the truth? I do.
I was one of these people. For decades I have stated in no uncertain terms that I am not a runner. Running hurts me too much to even think about it. Only those with light bodies can run because shin splints are painful!! I lied to myself.
I didn't realize I was lying to myself. I thought it was the absolute truth! What I discovered recently was that it is very likely that we are all lying to ourselves. A friend of mine who admits herself that she was very much a voluptuous shape (to be gentle) discovered this application and started following it. Her results have forced me to reconsider my "truths".
Now, I'm not saying it's easy. Some people have injuries they may never recover fully from. There could be health concerns like my dad. He had his heart and kidneys replaced 20 years ago. I sincerely doubt he's going to be running 5km any time in this life time.
Consider then, two facts:
1) The Paralympic Games that run with the Olympics was designed for people with disabilities that prevent them from competing in regular sports. These people could have given up when they lost their legs or arms (or never had them to begin with). They could have said, "I can't" and they would have had a million people agree with them. Are those million people telling the truth?
2) Any movement, any progress is good. Anything is better than nothing. How slow the start is or how short is of no consideration. Progress is the only success to be measured. The Paralympics were founded as a therapy to give those with physical challenges a goal to work towards. As we all hear from all Olympians, their biggest and hardest competitor is themselves.
Look at those parathletes now? Is "I can't" really truthful? Since they obviously can and can do it better than I can with all my working limbs, I'd have to concede that, "I can't" is a lie.
I take the bus and walk most places already, so the early stages of C25K aren't really workable for me. It literally starts you out with doing 5-10 minutes of activity. So if you really not ready to do more than a little at a time, you can do this.
What was that? you don't have a phone so you can't have the app? That's ok. There are online versions of this all over the place and you can cut and paste it into a Word document to follow it. All the phone app does is make it more fun by adding music and alerts to when to walk and when to jog...it takes the thinking out of it for you.
Oh, you don't have a watch to time yourself? Dollar Store. They have a ton of cute bands and pins. In this activity, the most expensive expenditure is going to be a good pair of walking shoes and a watch..and the watch is only gonna cost a buck...maybe two.
So, I finally kicked myself out of the house for a solid walk. Not carrying bags to go to the store. Not pulling my rolling briefcase. Not pushing the baby buggy. This is MY time. Fifteen minutes out and fifteen minutes back. That's all! How far I got isn't what mattered. The fact that I got out at all was what was important. I didn't even try speed walking. It was just a walk. When I got home, I posted on my FB my "success" and got a huge response from my friends. I even got a little giddy from the praise.
Next day, I did it again with the same results. I felt pretty good. I kept doing it every day and getting praise and getting a little faster in my walk so getting a little further and getting more praise. You can see the cycle. Then a rainy day hit. It was cold, it was wet, it was absolutely horrible. That was when I was introduced to the "Donwannas". You've heard of them I bet!
All I could hear in my head was "I donwanna go out in the cold and wet...ick!". Then I heard my dtr whining that she didn't wanna go to school. I despise whining. I turned to tell her that she's not made of sugar and won't melt. I heard in my head, "and neither are you." Oops...truth time. I've always prided myself on being a good example to my kids. If I use that statement to my kids, then I have to apply it to myself. Once they were out the door, I put my shoes and jacket on and out I went. I warmed up real quick and then it wasn't so bad. Got home, had a cup of hot lemon and ginger tea, curled up with a book. Felt really proud of myself and I felt I earned that little bit of quiet time.
After a couple of weeks of walking, I was feeling good and while on a walk I was re-evaluating my "truths". I had already proven that I could stick to a regular activity. I wondered. Could I? Was I being truthful about not being able to run? My friend was up to jogging 5km and more already! If she could do it, could I? hrm...so I upped the pace to a slow jog and did that for a minute, then pushed a little more for an extra half. I got back to walking and realized that wasn't so bad. A few minutes later, I tried again. Again, not so bad. Then I realized, what I do in one direction, I had to do in the other because if I didn't, I wouldn't be back on time and I had things to do! So, on the way back, I jogged a couple of times, walking between them. When I posted, my friends got really excited for me. I got all giddy again.
A few days later, I got smacked up side the head by the donwannas again. This time they brought ammo. I had a ton of things to do, the baby was up early and I was going to be walking a lot already (in between busses). The donwannas won...two days in a row! I justified myself saying that I was doing a lot of walking with all I was doing already! But the truth just kept poking it's head out from around the wool. Truth was, I was letting the donwannas win.
I talked to my friend and she's heard of the donwannas, too. Her understanding seemed to give me the strength to beat them and out I went the next day with the donwannas chanting at me for 2 whole minutes! It was like a child stomping to their room. They went silent as I heard the truth chanting back, "I can I can I can". Ten minutes into the walk, I moved up to a jog. By the time I got home, I was high as a kite on the adrenaline! Didn't need coffee that morning!
This morning, the donwannas were back. But I have ammunition, too. They were strong, but I'm stronger because I know the truth. Truth is we can convince ourselves of anything, that includes "I can't". What is the truth? Are you ready for it? Do you want the truth? I do.
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